50 years

Can you imagine living or being married to the same person for fifty years. Wee tomorrow, my parents Jim and Patty, will be married for 50 years. To me that is absolutely incredible. In fact other than my grandparents, I can't say that I know anyone who has been married that long.

My parents will have a big party tomorrow night at Del Frisco's. They have invited a very select group of people and of course it is mostly family. We will be taking family pictures before the meal tomorrow and then also in various parts of Sundance Square in Downtown Ft Worth. My mom has asked us to all sit down and write a toast to them. Both of my sisters have good enough memories that they can actually stand up and speak off the cuff. No not me, I have to think, and write, and scribble, rewrite, throw away and start again.

So here it goes, I think this is going to be what I will tell my parents tomorrow:

I started thinking about this toast weeks ago. I looked at poetry and stories and pictures. Nothing seemed to say what was and is in my heart. In looking at some of the photos, I came across me as the engineer of the train. When my mom would mop the floors, I would set up the chairs side by side in twos and don my mexican sombrero, get the drum my father made for me, put it in the engineers seat and take over the imaginary train. Oh the places that I seemed to take my brother and sisters. They always sat in their assigned seats and let me take them on that endless ride. They all knew that I was in charge of that train. No one dare sat in my seat.

Every summer, we would spend a week with my grandparents in Oklahoma. They would split us up in twos, because my grandparents just could not coral all four of us. My sister Amy and me were always paired together. One year, my grandmother took us to the little park in Waukhomis. There in all of its glory was the ride called the bullet. I wanted to ride that so bad... I just could not stand it. My grandmother bought me a ticket and took me on that ride. Needless to say, it was a long time before I enjoyed a roller coaster ride again. They just would not stop that ride and I knew I was going to die. That was the same summer that my grandmother hemmed up my cut off shorts, which were suppose to be stringy and very in style.

One summer we broke the tradition and went to Hot Springs, Arkansas. I will never forget that summer, We learned how to water ski and inner tube. Being on top of that water was like being next to God. We would get up early and sit out on the dock and watch the sun come up. The lake was so still and calm. I could go on and on with the memories.

My parents were there for every clarinet recital, basketball game, guitar lesson and much much more. There was nothing better than running to my father when he opened his arms to me and told me he was proud of me. And there was nothing better than my mom coming into my room and laying down beside me and telling me she loved me. My parents instilled in me a good education, but most importantly a strong belief system in God. As a family when we were younger we would sit down and say the rosary together. I remember watching my father as an adult while he was praying. I truly believe that the holy spirit passed through him. My mother taught us the power of prayer. My great grandmother Daisy Penn also taught us to have faith and to love our family members no matter who had harmed us, because when it comes right down to it, the only people you have in the end are your family. I know that my parents and my sisters and I hope my brother will always be there for me as I will always be there for them and their children if the need arises. So in conclusion,
To my parents,
I know that I have not been an easy child to raise...
But I have to say that my life has been easier because you have had my back.
You have always been looking out and trying to protect me as best you could.
Now I am not saying that I have always listened or taken your advise.
Even through all of my life's lessons, that I did not want to hear,
I could hear your love loud and clear, and it did make all of the difference.
I have not always shown the proper respect, but the respect has always been there deep down in my heart.
I cannot every repay you for all you have done for me, but today I would like to say thank you for loving me and caring for me.
I love you with all my heart.
May the lord bless you and keep you. Happy 50th.



Here's to fifty years and hopefully many more.

I named this blog what if... because I got to thinking about what I would do if I had money, fame and fortune. Growing up we all wanted to be firemen, policemen, and astronauts, just to name a few. What is it that makes us determine who or what we want to be? Did any of you all follow your passion or did you just settle for what was in front of you because you had to? Did something happen in your life that made you choose?

About two weeks ago, my boss fired me. She called me several names and then said that I was not the up to standard employee that she wanted. Now mind you, I have worked for her a year and she has never once written me up. At first, I was really angry, but then I decided that anger was going to do me no good. That emotion was just wasting my time and energy. If I continued to rent her space in my head and continue to worry, I was not going to be able to move forward. So I have been out job hunting for the past two weeks. She actually has a new girl that I had been training and then her little pet that could do no wrong. The Friday before he let me go she took her out and bought her some new clothes for the photo shoot. This particular person did not like me at all an would constantly do things to sabotage me. She would pack a box short, or she would not take a message or she would not follow through on something that I had asked her to do. Anyway, i better be careful or I will drag this little essay in the wrong direction and bring about bad Karma to myself.

Let me describe that unemployment insurance process to you ( for those of you that have never had to ask for help from the state). The first thing that you are told is that you have to file for unemployment insurance. There is a very limited number of people who actually qualify for unemployment if they have been fired. Usually, if you have been fired you were terminated because you broke some policy or procedure within your company. Now if you were fired because of that you are not eligible for unemployment benefits. Now on my way out the door, my boss said, I will not fight your unemployment, and I will always give you a good recommendation for a new job. I actually thought this was quite funny as she just got through firing my ass basically, because she did not like me. Then you are given a calendar with all of their classes listed on them. You can substitute one of those classes for a job contact.

You have to have three job contacts a week. I have been trying to do as many as possible. If I only did three a week, I would never be able to find a job. Of course after you do all of this, you are eligible to go to the resource room. There you can meet with an advisor who will look over your resume. One of the career placement counsellors sent me an email and said, If you need any assistance with anything, please feel free to give me a call or/and email. I sent her and email and requested and appointment. I thought maybe she might have a few other ideas for me. She said anyone in the resource room would be available to assist me.

So, I went to the resource room. The educator in the center of the room asked me what I needed. I asked if he had time to review my resume or to advise me on how to change my work in Texas file to receive more jobs that were a better match for my skill set. He said, "Well, first little lady, you have to check out this computer. You can have it for a maximum of one hour." "Do you know how to turn it on?" By this time I was so frustrated I wanted to smack daylights out of him.

Anyway, I have been looking for a job. Now mind you, I have absolutely nothing. In fact, I really do not know how my next months bills will be paid. Talk about doing anything, I emailed my face book friends and asked if anybody needed their house cleaned or if anyone had any odd jobs around the house such as mowing the lawn etc. A friend called me back and told me she would pay me to clean a room in her house. This room happened to be the dog and cat room for some show animals. So, I have demeaned myself and will clean up poop for a sum of money. Mind you I am no better than anyone else, but it is just really sad that I have a college degree and cannot find a job other than picking up cat poop.

Filling out applications has changed. You do not actually go business to business anymore. People, managers, supervisors, do not want to be bothered by you to ask for applications. Everything that you need is online. You just type in the name of the store, or company, their web sight will pop up, their career jobs will pop up and then all of the jobs across the united states will show up. This is quite an overwhelming procedure. The work force commission sends me a new email everyday with potential jobs. They are not necessarily jobs that I can do, but I have to go through and weed them all out. Yesterday, I went through 4 pages of potential jobs, most of which I did not qualify for, or they were more than 50 miles away. the only way to find a job is to just keep plugging away at the computer. I want to know where the old lady pulls out an index card and says, go here and interview, they have a job that might be just right for you. Whoever came up with that concept has surely never filed for unemployment insurance.

I guess I have to keep my sense of humor about it. There are people a whole lot worse off than me, but what if I was rich and famous. They say money cannot by happiness but i think whoever made this statement must have been pretty wealthy, because money sure can buy a lot of things that make me very very happy. So does anybody out there have a work force, unemployment funny to share. Please, feel free to tell me all about it.